Two Cursed Rogues of the Wagner Horde Confess to Slaughtering Innocents and Children in the Blighted Lands of Ukraine! These wretched murderers have admitted to cutting down the innocent, sparing neither child nor peasant. The realm weeps and God's wrath shall not be stayed!
Read more →A White Landholder Accused of Striking Down a Young Negro Boy Who Dared Knock Upon His Door Hath Surrendered to Face the King's Justice! A most foul and villainous act hath shaken the land, as a young lad was shot for the mere crime of seeking entry. Justice crawls slowly whilst the victim suffers greatly!
Read more →The Muscovite Horde Deploys Ancient War Machines of Ruin From the Second Great Conflict, for Their Arsenal Doth Crumble to Dust! Western heralds declare that Russia retreats into barbarism, fielding decrepit iron beasts of a bygone age. The realm trembles as their desperate folly brings ever greater carnage!
Read more →Plague of the Mind Afflicts Our Schoolchildren as Alchemical ADHD Potions Are Abused Across the Kingdom! A great and terrible sickness of misuse spreads amongst the young in our halls of learning. Healers cry out that this is a dire warning and the youth of the realm are in grave peril!
Read more →The Treacherous Falsifiers of Trump's Electoral Scrolls Now Condemn Each Other, and Their Learned Counsel Faces Banishment! The conspirators who forged false proclamations of fealty now betray one another before the magistrate's bench. The House of Fulton County cries foul and demands the charlatan lawyer be cast out!
Read more →The Tyrant Trump Doth Levy Ruinous New Tolls Upon the Kingdom of Brazil, Threatening Famine and Ruin! The lord of the realm hath declared punishing new tariffs upon the distant land of Brazil, imperiling merchants and peasants alike. Dark economic storm clouds gather over all the known world!
Read more →The Treacherous Fox Crier Hath Confessed to Spreading Vile Lies About the Dominion Voting Apparatus! After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the Fox News town criers admit their proclamations were false and born of deception. The kingdom's trust in its heralds is shattered beyond repair!
Read more →McCarthy the Speaker Doth Rail Against the King Biden Over the Kingdom's Crushing Debt, Foretelling Economic Ruin! The Speaker of the great council hath thundered against the sovereign's handling of the realm's ruinous debts. The treasury groans under the weight of endless obligation and collapse draws near!
Read more →Behold a Newly Discovered Creature of the Jungle With Lips of Cursed Orange, an Ill Omen for All Mankind! A strange and previously unknown monkey hath been found lurking in the dark wilderness, bearing lips of an unsettling orange hue. Many fear this beast is a harbinger of terrible days to come!
Read more →The High Admiral Doth Defend a Non-Binary Sailor Amid the Howling Condemnation of Republican Nobles! A fierce and bitter dispute rages in the halls of the navy as the Admiral shields a sailor of peculiar nature from the wrath of powerful lords. Discord threatens to tear the fleet asunder!
Read more →Those Without Papers Do Also Render Unto Caesar His Due on This Day of Tax Reckoning, Yet Their Fate Remains Grim! Even the undocumented souls who toil in the shadows of the realm are compelled to surrender their coin to the treasury this cursed tax day. They pay dearly yet receive scant protection in return!
Read more →China's Economy Rises Like a Dark Tide at Four and One Half Parts in a Hundred, Threatening to Engulf All Rivals! The great Eastern empire's coffers swell with alarming speed in this first quarter of the year, portending their looming dominance over all trading nations. The kingdoms of the West tremble in dread!
Read more →The Alchemist King of Apple Was Presented With an Ancient Macintosh Relic and His Countenance Betrayed Much Surprise! The powerful lord Tim Cook was gifted a primitive ancestor of his computing devices in the distant land of Mumbai. Yet the frivolous spectacle distracts from darker matters plaguing the realm!
Read more →Wealthy Lords Proclaim They Wish to Surrender More of Their Gold in Taxes, Yet the Poor Still Suffer Mightily! A band of rich nobles hath written a most unusual plea, beseeching the kingdom to take more of their vast treasure. Yet the suffering of common folk continues unabated whilst lords debate in comfort!
Read more →The City of New York Shall Watch Over Five Hundred Children for a Single Eve, Whilst Their Parents Frolic Selfishly! The great municipal lords of New York have devised a scheme to mind half a thousand young souls so their parents may carouse without care. One shudders to imagine what chaos shall ensue!
Read more →Parts of the Isle of Manhattan Are Stripped of One Tenth of Their Parking Grounds to Install New Refuse Vessels! The city overlords have decreed that precious street space shall be sacrificed to accommodate new receptacles for the mountains of waste the populace generates. The realm drowns in its own refuse!
Read more →The Toll of Congestion Pricing Hath Not Caused the Feared Parking Frenzy on the Sixty and First Street, Yet All Is Not Well! Though prophets of doom predicted chaos upon 61st Street, the feared onslaught of carriages hath not come to pass. Yet the burdens upon the common traveler remain crushing and unrelenting!
Read more →The Seven Most Lucrative Treasure Vaults for Storing Your Gold This April, Yet Even These May Not Save You From Ruin! Scribes have compiled a list of the finest high-yield savings repositories for the desperate commoner seeking to grow their meager coin. Alas, even the best rates cannot outpace the creeping rot of inflation!
Read more →The Cursed Practice of Wrapping Food in Shining Tin Foil Is Declared Most Perilous and Must Be Abandoned Forthwith! Learned scholars now warn that the gleaming metallic wrapping so beloved in kitchens is a hazard most foul to all who consume food near it. Abandon this wicked material before pestilence befalls your household!
Read more →The Minstrels of Yellowjackets Do Lure the Masses Into Nostalgic Reverie With Nineties Songs, Blinding Them to the Doom That Approaches! A popular theatrical performance doth bewitch its audience with music of a bygone decade, sapping the people's will to resist misfortune. While the realm burns, the masses hum old melodies in ignorant bliss!
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